I am interested in a shocking statement made about Rumi on a recent blog.  Statement:  Rumi tossed his lover into a well, and wrote love poems about his dead lover.  Shock!


Relationships between lovers end.  Ugh…stark statement isn’t it?

Does the ending with your lover mean that the Relationship was not valuable, was not beneficial?  Is it the ending that typically hurts?  No probably not, the hurt starts somewhere else… perhaps the middle.   Relationships between lovers end.

Does the End, mean that the love was less … real?  I know I certainly have said… YUP.  The fact that the relationship ended, the love was less real… JERK.  But is that really true?

I take a step back.  Is the purpose of my life to capture and cage the…other?  Or is my purpose in life to become the “captured”?  Really… think about it.  How may relationships are designed to allow the other to … Thrive?  And if the goal was truly to allow “Thriving” would there be the pain in the middle, or at the end of the relationship?

Why are romantic relationships different from those say  with your children?  And I will argue that the relationship between parent and child is remarkably intimate heart to heart closeness.

What is the difference in the relationship between Lovers, and the relationships between parent and child.  I know my heart has been broken by my children, and I will continue to put as the primary focus their “Thriving”.  I love them… period.

But with my Lover……?  The fight became whose cage would we live in today.  I wanted to clutch the magnificent moments, and hold my breath through the tough ones…..

I don’t do the same with my children.  I delight in their machinations… even when I fight hard to keep them safe.

So what is the difference?  Why did I apply a difference?

Honestly….I mean to kill my lover.  I want to remake my lover into my own image…”if I work a bit on him here, redefine there…. shuffle a few odd behaviors out…”  then in my mind my romantic relationship would be perfect.  We were out to change, even to the death, each other.  I am not that much different from that shocking statement said of Rumi.

By the way, I would never kill my children…I expend all of my energy to cause them to Thrive.  I set boundaries to allow me to Thrive in our parent/child relationship

I wonder what would have happened if I had done the same with my lover?

Published in: on August 7, 2010 at 9:05 pm  Leave a Comment  

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